Chronicle's Chronicles
2025-10-23
Over the last several years, I have come to dislike and distrust most film media. New or old, hot or trash, so much of it is garbage to me. My experience with this has come mostly as a trauma response from psychotic episodes. It's hard to enjoy a good film or show whenever you think that there are secret messages being implanted in your head from an ominous and indescribable third party.
Moreover, the kayfabe one needs to indulge in most film media doesn't exist for me anymore. I think this also has to do with the fact that years of social media indulgence have blurred the line between the real and the manufactured to the point that no moving picture on a screen can elicit my trust. It's a sad thing, particularly because watching a lot of film media induces a soft bubbling of anxiety in my body. With how much of our lives now being consumed by the black mirror, it's a tough thing to get away from. I've tried reducing it as much as I can, but ultimately I am not in a position to completely eliminate it at this time. As such, I have to grin and bear for the most part.
But then a movie popped on TV today while my mom was flipping through the channels: Chronicle. For those who aren't familiar, it is a found footage drama film released in 2012 about a group of high school boys who enter a mysterious cave and come out of it with super powers like telekinesis and flight. The movie follows these boys as they come to grips with their powers and the interpersonal struggles that follow. I told my mom to put it on, and she had never seen it, so of course I had to mouth on and on about how great the movie was. I was around the same age as the movie's main characters when I watched it, and so it struck a lot of emotional chords for me back then. When it came on today, I felt those same chords get struck again.
Thematically, the movie is deeply resonant for me given my struggles with bipolar disorder. When I get manic, it truly does feel like I have super powers and access to sights unseen by the average mortal. But like Icarus, I have flown too close to the sun and was struck down by those same illustrious powers. I relate deeply with all three characters of the movie. I've struggled with feeling alienated, popular, disillusioned, powerful, and out of control. Watching a bit of it and talking with my mom about it put a fire in me to write about it here today. It's so important for me to have these moments.
When I was younger, I was absolutely in love with storytelling. As a small child, I used to have my mom read me multiple stories before bed. I also would have her make them up on the spot. Then I'd make up mine. As I grew older, I voraciously read books and watched movies and always approached them with an sharp analytical eye; for me, it was all about dissecting a story into its most essential components. I wanted emotions to be my clay.
As an older child, I made several brickfilms and was constantly animating, editing, writing scripts, curating soundtracks, and voice acting. Then I started playing the saxophone and left my directorial dreams behind for a new love, but my desire to tell and dissect stories never went away. I've been told that I have a gift for writing, but always let doubt and insecurity plague me. I thought that I couldn't have the inspiration to tell great stories because I wasn't blessed with inspiration. But then I heard a famous quip that put me into shape:
I write when inspiration strikes. Fortunately, it strikes at nine every morning
That was when I realized that just as much as the inspiration to write is divine, it is cultivated through habits and tenacity. So with that, I hope to keep the light alive in every way I can.
God, please give me mercy. Let me be the salt and the light so that I can keep telling the story you put me on this earth to tell.