Schema vs. Schemer
2026-09-22
I met my first schema-monk at church this last Sunday.
Though he was a bit cantankerous, I could feel the aura oozing off of him. A wise-cracking pal corralled us to him during the coffee hour, and I made a bold attempt to tap him on the shoulder from behind as he was sitting with a group of septuagenarians at a table. I introduced myself, told him that my name is Noahie, and that it's a nickname for Noah. "Oh, I like Noah better," he meekly retorted. From there, he got up from the table and chatted with us. The mysticism of Orthodoxy really does make itself apparent in schema-monks like that, though it's interesting viewing it from a secular perspective, too. Having "wise mystic" and "senile old fart" up in the air made for an interesting ordeal. When he asked me what I did, I told him that I write. "When are you going to grow up?" he asked, as a soft rebuke. I told him about my disability, and he kindly affirmed that God will take care of me. Thanks, man. There was a nun following him around, jotting down names on a sheet of paper. The wise-cracker's plans revealed themselves in that instance. Spiritual armor, people—spiritual armor.
But yeah, when the fuck am I going to grow up? No telling, but I don't like being so humbly immature sometimes. Even if there are issues that I have to work through, I have to constantly remind myself that life keeps on going, regardless of my difficulties. The idea of stability is still almost a pipe dream for me, even if I've got a better grasp of my infirmities and a penchant for self-awareness. But in those moments of doubt, when even my constantly scheming brain can't figure out the next steps, I can rest under Christ's yoke and sit through that trouble and let Him guide me through it. My hope is that I don't chicken out when those opportunities make themselves apparent to me. He told Josh to be bold, and the same is true with me; though my intellectual haughtiness can prevent me from resisting temptations, I rest assured that even when I make mistakes, I can still get through it with nice doses of confession and repentance.
Will I repeat the same mistakes? Probably, but there's always that eighth time to get back up.
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