Revelation
2026-04-03
Yesterday was quite tiring. I was asleep for practically the entire day. That kind of thing happens whenever I take my olanzapine, which is what I did the night before yesterday. That night, I had slept from 5 PM till about midnight. Since I didn't want to ruin my sleep schedule, I decided to bust out the olanzapine so that I could fall asleep. Unfortunately, this makes me sleep the entire next day, which is exactly what happened yesterday. I'm thankful that I don't have any major obligations that force me to stay awake throughout the day, but it does make me sad to be in such a state. During better periods, I'll think to myself that I'm ready to take on another job or stack on some other kind of obligation in my life. After days like yesterday, I am forced to reconsider that line of thought.
During those days when I sleep all day, I usually have several dreams that I can vividly remember. The most common type of dream I have is one that takes place in an infinitely sprawling resort. Sometimes it's a hotel-like resort, and other times it's a cruise ship. The objective in these dreams is usually the same: I try to get back to my room, but keep getting distracted in the labyrinthine twists and turns of the resort. The resort itself is hedonistic; there's infinite food to eat, games to play, journeys to go on. There are all kinds of experiences to be had with the people I encounter, but despite this seemingly never-ending journey of pleasure, all I want to do is get back to my room and get away from it.
Yesterday's dreams involved this resort, but this time there was something intriguing that the resort was offering: new biohacking tools. I remember they were offering to put literal parasites in my body—little tapeworm-looking things that apparently had some kind of nanomachine in them that would augment me in some way. There was a worker who was offering to give me this worm, and he was holding it over my arm. It was this glowing pale white thing, about half as long as my forearm. I rejected the offer, but am still curious about what that even meant.
Then there was this other technology they offered me: a flesh-like sac that I was supposed to put over my face to create an augmented reality experience. I remember putting it over my eyes and I could smell the sac; it smelled like the rubber you'd find in an inflatable pool tube. Everything around me looked cloudy, but I was surprised that I could see anything at all with an opaque sack over my face. I remember having it on for a few minutes and walking around with it, but shortly after I woke up. As usual, I was confused.
I do find it strange that my dreams involve this hedonistic treadmill, and it makes me wonder why they recur as often as they do. I wonder if there's a certain inlaid desire in being there, or if it's supposed to be a reflection of my current conditions living here in this world. I can't say for sure, but all I know is that with all of these dreams I keep having, it really does feel as if I'm going somewhere else. I haven't looked too deeply into whether or not other people experience similar phenomena, but I'm sure they do. The vivid and hyperrealistic nature of my dreams has given me a metaphysical worldview that probably seems insane to some people, but makes complete sense to me.
Since I was a teenager, I've had deep experiences regarding Simulation Theory and the like. I remember during one of my first LSD trips at 17, I had come to this strange revelation that all of waking life was a simulation and that nothing was real. Unfortunately at the time, that also led me to the false conclusion that my actions didn't have consequences. I went a little crazy, to put it lightly. Several years later, I had a dream that still haunts me to this day. At that point, I had been off drugs for a few years and my dreams were getting stronger and more vivid. I remember the dream like this: it was a loading screen for something called DreamOS. It was a blue background with clouds with black text overlaid. I saw a loading bar with text underneath it like "refining textures" and "curating dream logic." It felt like I was actually in that experience, like I had some kind of virtual headset on and that I was going through this loading screen like I had thousands of times before. I didn't know what to make of it.
All of this makes me look at waking life with a huge degree of skepticism, but not in some kind of cynical "everything is rigged" kind of way; it's more like an existential "DO YOU PEOPLE NOT SEE WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON HERE??!!" kind of way. I have to try and reel back a lot of these woes because it makes it harder for me to connect with people. Whenever I try to recount these dreams and revelations to other people, the reaction is usually a mix of awe and overwhelm. Some try to push back a bit, but most are put off by it. That's understandable, especially because a lot of it sounds like nonsense. I understand that most people can't or don't want to carry the weight of the implications my experiences bring, but at times it can feel isolating—like I'm the only one who has seen experience in this kind of way.
Really, I have no idea what conclusions I should even come to. On the one hand, it would probably be a safer option to dismiss these things entirely as machinations of an overactive subconscious and imagination—funny brain farts that make for interesting diary entries. But there's another part of me that at least wants to try and understand what's going on here. Is there any kind of epistemic layering here? If even a fraction of what I experience in my dreams is real, what are the consequences of that? How come these things are being revealed to me, specifically? There's an unfortunate desire to push that envelope further, but I'm not sure it's something I can handle. At the same time, I don't want to repress these things and claim that they don't have an impact on my waking life. If I think about them frequently and can recall the events months and years after the fact, that to me indicates there's something real there.
As for what that is, there's still more to find out.
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