Young Monastics
2026-02-15
I skipped Divine Liturgy—again—because I slept in until noon.
This whole week, I've been waking up late, going to bed late, and it's really been throwing me off. I know it's because my sleep apnea is forcing sleep debt. It makes my heart rate go up like crazy when I go weeks without a good night's sleep. It's become a cycle: go to bed at a normal time, sleep like shit for two weeks, spend a bunch of time in bed recuperating, repeat. Usually there will be a day when I sleep all day to recuperate, but lately I've just been waking up at noon every day instead. It sucks because I feel like my mornings were stolen. I take a lot of pride in my mornings because it's usually when I write these entries. Since I've been waking up late, it's thrown off my whole routine, and I've been relegating Cogito to the evenings.
I bought another prayer rope, and it came in the mail today, though. I now have four: one at my prayer corner, one at my desk, one in my purse, and one in the car. I try to practice that ceaseless prayer as much as I can. It helps, but there's still the feeling of tedium, which can muster a sense of spiritual incompleteness. Of course, the work itself comes from that tedium, but it's still something I contend with. That tedium is something I've learned to find comfort in. I used to feel empty in it, but I've come to learn that, after a while, I wouldn't be able to imagine my life without it.
I was upset about missing Divine Liturgy today, but I know to keep it in perspective. Salvation is a lifelong process; there will be many more to attend in the future. God knows my heart and knows that I want nothing more than to spend as much time at home as I can. I was able to attend Great Vespers yesterday, so I am not as spiritually bereft as I felt this morning. When I was hanging out with folks from church earlier this week, I was chatting with a young guy. He's a catechumen, and I can tell he has a lot of zeal. We talked about how great it is that Orthodoxy is surging here in America and that, since we're young, we'll be part of that wave for decades to come.
We also talked about how cool it would be to see a beachside monastery. I said that we'd be the generation to make it happen. I don't know exactly how I'll contribute to Orthodoxy's rise in America. I could do it as a layman, a member of the clergy, or even get tonsured and become a monk. Reading about the lives of the monastics has been spiritually edifying. One priest called them the “Navy SEALs of Orthodoxy,” which I completely agree with. Through the monastic life, monks can draw the presence of Christ to all who encounter them in ways not always accessible to laymen or even clergy. It must be a profound experience to go to a monastery.
If I'm lucky, God will bring me to one.
I think it's also important for me not to be tempted by spiritual greed, which is an easy trap for new converts. More than that, it's easy to romanticize monastic life. Many want the aesthetic of being a monk but don't want to pay the prices associated with it. Tonsure involves celibacy, renouncing all possessions, and complete and total devotion to monasticism for the rest of your life. That's a lot to give up, and many can't and shouldn't. We all have our role to play in God's kingdom, and salvation is a unique process for everyone. Different sins can control different people. Circumstances are never identical between two different people. Besides, the monastery isn't always something external.
We all have a monastery inside us.
It's up to us whether we choose to find it.
Bitcoin address: bc1qtgqvj6qjxnaxkns20x5rcwnxvv3jqzhduvvxfc