Social Depth and Breadth
2025-09-27
I ended up going out last night, which was quite fun. My pals and I hit a few local dives, had some laughs, shot some pool, and had a good time. It definitely depleted my social battery, but it was still fun to deplete it—kind of like how using a laptop depletes its battery, but still gives you a good time, you know? I'm thinking about it now and this has been a continuous thread for a little while: my own spectrum of extroversion. It's funny because for a long time I thought that I was rather extroverted. I've taken quizzes like the Big 5 or MBTI and those quizzes always declare me as a definitive extrovert. But I recently put my website in this thing and it clocked me as a decided introvert (INTJ btw lmao) and I was rather surprised by that notion.
I always had this pretty solid idea that I am extroverted, but I've had people call me introverted before. Both my parents believe that I'm introverted based on how I grew up. When I was a kid, I think I was much quieter than I am now, but looking back on my life in this thread has made me realize that I am actually quite introverted. I think the problem with introversion is that people mistaken it for shyness or being reserved or not talking a lot. I am not shy, not reserved, and I can talk a lot when I feel like I have the floor. For me, though, my introversion shines through in the social battery. I have some extrovert friends who can go days and days straight doing high-octane social activities but for me, one day of high-octane sociability is enough to sustain my desire to go out for months at a time.
I like parties, concerts, bars, and whatever things adults do to socialize, but only in short concentrated doses. For me, I feel much more comfortable in a low-key and relaxed setting with a few friends I know really well so that conversation can be deep and engaging. From what I've seen, a key difference between introverts and extroverts is social breadth versus depth. Extroverts are more prone to social breadth whereas introverts are more prone to depth. Extroverts can have a large social network of people that they know slightly below surface level whereas the introvert has a smaller social network but the connections run extremely deep. Of course, this isn't a one-to-one observation and everyone is different, but it is a general trend. For me, I think I crave depth more than breadth and can be capable of breadth, but prefer depth. I find myself trying to keep up with people who I would like to keep up with, but unfortunately don't have the social capacity to maintain multitudes of genuine in-depth relationships. So because of that, I have to force myself to be selective with my friendships because I don't want to sacrifice my desire for true relationship depth.
Among other things, I genuinely do have sensory issues. Loud music genuinely hurts my ears so I keep ear plugs on when I go to a bar or concert. I have to wear sunglasses at some concerts because the flashing lights can actually give me seizures. So the high-octane stuff is seldom done. Thankfully though, I don't suffer from too much social anxiety and generally have good social skills, so it's not like it's a major challenge for me to go out and do that stuff. But man, it sure can be tiring.
And hey, even after being so tired, I still showed up to write today. Good stuff. I hope I can keep it going.