Our Lots in Life
2025-09-12
This week so far has been good. I feel stable, productive, and like I actually kind of have my shit together. I always think to myself when I have these kind of weeks "man if I got to have this every week, I'd be in great shape" but I know that's not realistic. Even though I could whine like I have so many times about how unfair life is, I won't. There's always going to be regrets, uncertainty, and bad decisions to be made, so there's no use in letting it get to me anymore. I just thank God that He has released me from the depression chambers for a little while. It feels like life is a constant scuba diving excursion—a constant cycling between descent into depression and madness paired with brief ascents to come back for air. I don't know why God tests me the way He does, but it's not something I should worry about. I don't want to be like those post-Enlightenment rationalist dipshits who think that if they just think about everything super hard, it'll all work out. The truth that those kinds of people don't wish to accept is that an individual's destiny is mostly not in their hands.
I think that people in the pre-Enlightenment world were much more respectful of the greater forces at play. In today's world, people discredit ancient cultures as superstitious and primitive, that they didn't "have things figured out" like we do. Now, I'm not necessarily promoting any kind of neo-conservatism here; ontologically speaking, there's nothing to really "conserve", anyway. But instead I think that when it comes to one's lot in life, pre-Enlightenment people had one thing right: there's not a whole lot the individual can do about it. It's funny because people love to live in the illusion that we have control over our lives. The constant inundation of self-worship narratives I see disgusts me. People would prefer a world of solipsism than to reach out to someone in need and tell them it's going to be okay. It makes me sad to see it.
I pray that God give me the peace and the strength to keep going. One day I hope to look back and say that it all made sense.