Fighting Actual Demons
2025-10-02
I woke up this morning feeling rested, thank God, but last night's sleep was horrible. For whatever reason, I have more nightmares than the average person. Typically, the nightmares involve some sort of demonic entity trying to kill me. Usually after a nightmare, I jolt awake with my heart palpitating and the fear still coursing through my veins. It's gotten to the point where the experience is just odd rather than terrifying. But a funny thing has been happening recently: I've been going lucid and stopping the demons in their tracks. Since I was a child, I have always been a strong dreamer. I have dozens of dreams that I still remember to this day dating all the way back to 2003 (age 5). The demons have always been there, lurking in dream-space waiting to attack me.
This is my ontology on dreams: that shit is fucking real. See, I've described the world we see and the world we don't see. Dreams occupy that latter world. Like I've said before as well, this world is much larger and much older than the regular world we occupy. Spirits from that world work to influence this world for reasons that we either can't know or aren't allowed to know (yet).
For me, though, I have always dealt with the presence of what I believe to be demons from this world. Sometimes it makes me feel like a (((targeted individual))) of the demons, but I can't really call it for sure. In a weird way, it feels as if there's something I possess that they readily feed on. I can't say what that thing is, but all I know is that they come after me all the time. In the waking world, I've experienced what I believe to be demonic powers as well.
Back in 2020 during my first true psychotic episode, I started hearing a voice in my head that claimed to be named Azazel, a well-known figure in Abrahamic religions. I hadn't known of this demon's existence before I heard its voice in my head. The demon attempted to make a Faustian bargain with me and I declined. Once I declined, it got mad and attempted to possess me. Well, it's tough to say because I was having numerous delusions at this time, but I still feel the pure fear that came with that whole experience.
So yeah, these demonic entities have recurred much more over the last five years or so. From about 2017-20, I barely remembered any of my dreams because I was smoking too much pot. But by around 2021-22, I stopped smoking as much pot and started taking antipsychotics, which took my already strong dreaming potential and amplified it drastically. Over the last few years, I have been inundated with nightmare after nightmare. It's been a weird spot to occupy. My first therapist told me that she believed that the demons come to attack most strongly when we are most amply ready for growth, and I agree with that sentiment completely.
I hope that over the course of time, I can figure out how to defeat these demons and keep them out of my life for good. This is why I rely so heavily on God: He's the only one who can protect me from the dangers hidden in the deepest recesses of the universe. I just hope that I can do my part to receive the mercy I know that I don't deserve.
God gave me a two-million watt noggin, but they can take it away because He's too pure and I'm too honest.
Stay loved, friends.