Chew Toys and Man Purses
2025-09-29
I am back at the Starbucks, big chilling and feeling good after trying that new protein foam stuff. I don't shill for Starbucks (or anyone else) but having the extra protein in my little drink helps me with staving off pre-dinner hunger. Anyways, I am off to my sprint and in the sprint spirit, I am trying to keep things directly off the top of my head here. I got a chew toy like the dog I am. No, seriously, I got one of those chew toys that are marketed towards little kids with autism. Here's the thing: I got it because I used Jolly Ranchers to quit my nicotine addiction, but then I got addicted to Jolly Ranchers. So to limit my Jolly Rancher consumption (they are very bad for your teeth), I decided to get a little chew toy so that I could stave off the Jolly Ranchers now that the nicotine is more or less functionally out of my body.
It feels pretty nice to use it. I got it as a little necklace and keep it in my mouth whenever the bad thoughts come into my head (they do it a lot), so it's a nice little grounding tool in that respect as well.
Oh, I also got a man purse. I'm not even kidding; I got an actual man purse. Well, the non-gay term is cross-body bag, but it is functionally and aesthetically a man purse. Let me tell you, formless and shapeless reader: it is the ultimate move, seriously. See, I hate pockets because I have too much stuff. Women complain needlessly about their pants not having pockets. Sis, let me tell you that you do not need them, okay? The purse is the essential. See, the cynical marketing teams of times past marketed different things for men like backpacks or briefcases or whatever, but a BAG with a STRAP is the peak form and function for carrying personal items when out and about. Listen, if you're not PURSED UP, get the hell out of my house.
So yeah, that's what I got recently that's been helping me stave through the coprophagic tempest we like to call life. At this point, I still feel like I am in a "building" sort of phase. There has been a lot of, I guess, 'fundamental' things that I've had to work through over the last few years, but I feel that I have sufficiently reached a new culmination of this work. Let me tell you, it was long, dirty, and wretched work. But thankfully, I believe that I've put myself in a position where I have gone through the hardest parts of that—dealing with mental illness is tough for anyone, but I think that with all of the different cultural shifts that global society had to face—that made it all the more exacerbated for me.
But today is not a day of lamentation or crying or whining or grieving or some other sad thing. Today is a good day; it is a normal day. And because of that, I'd like to take the time to stop and actually give those roses a smell. By the way, I have this little spray bottle of cologne I keep in my man purse and I sprayed it before coming to the Starbucks. It has a rather strong smell. I don't know how people perceive that—well, in the sense of its strength. Is it too strong? I like colognes or perfumes when they're subtle but this doesn't feel subtle. Oh well, it doesn't matter.
Okay partners, we are done for today. Stay loved.