My Binaural Beats
2025-11-13
I neglected to write in here for a few days. There are a few reasons for that. The first is that I feel a wave of depression coming, so that always stops me in my tracks. Increased anxiety usually precedes these episodes these days. For some reason I held back on letting my thoughts rip as I usually do, probably because I was afraid of not having anything to say. More than that, though, I found that I wanted to sit with myself alone for longer stretches of time than usual. This time alone fuels my psychic power, I think.
I've been into meditation and the like for over a decade. My first introduction to it was actually back in the 8th grade because there was a popular phenomenon at the time: binaural beats. For a bunch of teenage boys with little life experience, binaural beats were posed as a free ticket to a drug-like experience without having to hang out with druggies, find a dealer, and of course, purchase the drugs with money—you know, since we were all broke. It was a strange thing. There were apps coming out on the recently released iPhone that promoted a drug-like experience just from listening to something.
I remember not wanting to use those apps because you had to pay for them, but I did look into binaural beats themselves to try and find what was really going on. Essentially, they're just frequencies played through headphones that are supposed to mimic organic brainwave frequencies in order to induce different states of mind. There were different levels based on the frequency named after Greek letters: delta for deep sleep, theta for better dreams, alpha for focus, beta for creativity, and gamma for transcendence. I figured that gamma was the coolest one since it was the highest frequency, so that's what I decided to try. Thankfully at that time, there were free YouTube videos that played the frequencies, so I was in luck.
For about two weeks, I laid down on my couch and listened to the binaural beat for about an hour each day. I felt that I had to let the tones do their thing over a course of time, so I did what I had to do diligently and patiently. At the end of the two weeks though, I had a sensation I have yet to forget: my back convulsed, everything went white, and I lost consciousness. I come back to and marveled at the spiritual experience I just manifested for myself, tell my friends about it, and didn't really think much of it throughout the rest of my grade school days.
It wasn't until I was a young adult that I realized what actually happened: I had a seizure. It wasn't a kundalini awakening or whatever, but just a weird accident I somehow engineered for myself. I realized this because when I was in high school, I had a seizure at a concert due to the powerful strobe lights. It felt similar to the experience I had when I was younger with the binaural beats. Years after that concert, I had finally put the dots together. It was a weird thing to accept—my brain was different for some reason.
Still though, there's a weird sort of confirmation with the binaural beats for me. They produced a result, albeit a negative one, but one that made me realize that there is something going on there. So over the course of my life since then, I've experimented with binaural beats and meditation on and off. I remember I used to study with binaural beats as well. They were a helpful aid for my focus, I think.
But anyways, I have gotten back on another kick with them and tried letting myself get immersed in the isochronic tones yet again. Of course, this has involved a lot of sitting around and not a lot of writing, but I guess that's what I felt I should do to maintain my creative juices, psychic power, what have you. More than anything, this act of sitting down and doing nothing is also a way I try to reduce my anxiety.
Along with listening to the binaural beats, I also do a basic breathing and concentration exercise: I try to focus on the in and out of my breath and use that as an anchor to keep my thoughts from running rampant. It's a lot easier said than done, though. But from what I've experienced, once you get over the initial hump of your mind resisting your attempts to center itself, it becomes tame and the body begins to relax further. That's why it helps so much with anxiety. Of course, it's a nonlinear progression in improving the skill. Some periods of time will be strong, but then others will be difficult.
My anxiety is a tough thing to deal with. I had only begun to name it within the last few years, so it's still something I work on dealing with. It ultimately is a symptom of overwhelm I feel about life. Things become too much to process, so my body goes into a constant mode of alert. Meditation helps with that.
Everything I do seems to be in service of reducing this anxiety, but it never wants to fully go away. Maybe one day it will, but I fear that day won't be today.