Going On Hunger Walks
2025-11-20
When I woke up this morning, I had a very interesting feeling. I typically set my alarm for 8 AM. Due to the fact that I don't have a job or any major obligations or responsibilities and the fact that I hate being alive and because of my fractured sleep due to untreated sleep apnea, I usually sleep in until about 9 or 9:30. But this morning I woke up at my alarm and was a bit tired and got out of bed to take a piss and in my bathroom, I realized that I had the energy to just get my day started with my morning routine and not go back to sleep. It was a strange thing, feeling like there were certain stars aligning.
I've spent several years now in what has felt like an unending war with my body. The fact that I wake up and won't know how I'll feel along with the compounding maladies from this singular issue has made it extremely difficult to see the light at the end of the tunnel. For several years, I've felt that there was truly no hope for me, that I was bound to a depressing and isolating fate. I felt like I had no capacity for joy, for structure, for resilience. But since I've been slowly crawling out of the holes that I've dug for myself, I now understand that there's so much more to me than I could've imagined. Through the crucibles I've endured, I now know myself in a way that I never thought I would before. For that, I am grateful, but still treading lightly.
This entry was a turning point for me, I think. The neuropathy I was experiencing was an interesting wake up call. Thankfully it's still early in its progression. I was experiencing it very badly at the time of that entry, but since then I've reduced my caloric intake significantly and fostered more discipline with my eating. I have reduced my carb intake significantly as well, and have brought my sugar consumption down to almost zero. It's been only under a week since I've made these changes, but the differences have already been extremely noticeable.
The hardest thing to manage has been the hunger. I'm not starving myself by any means. I still eat about 2000 calories a day, but for me that's a significant reduction in what I was eating. Along with that has come a lot of hunger, which is something that any overweight or obese person struggles with. Dealing with the hunger has been difficult. As it is with any significant dietary change, it is easy to go on a binge when too hungry and lose morale for the long game altogether. For me, the thing that I've learned from quitting nicotine is that in order to truly quit, you don't remove it and that's it—you have to replace it with something else.
It's hard to go on a binge when the mind is too distracted to consider hunger. So for me, I've come to understand that the calories I have reduced from my daily intake are actually being replaced with other things. I have been a steady gym-goer for a bit over six months now and have made a lot of progress regarding my fitness. This confidence has emboldened me to take that fitness outside of the gym and start going on frequent walks in my neighborhood. It's a nice thing because I don't have to drive to the gym and deal with the crowds or any of that. Instead, I just put my shoes on, walk right outside, and get right to it—no friction at all.
So for me with getting too hungry, the main replacement has been those frequent walks. A few times a day, I'll go on a 2 mile 45-minute-or-so walk. It feels nice enough, not too strenuous, but strenuous enough that I feel a good enough dopamine rush to stave off hunger. All the walking has gotten me very interested in the idea of going on extended hikes and hammock camping and all that. Of course, I'm not in the shape to do that right now, but it does seem like a very fun physical activity. Extended hiking trips along with triathlons feels like a good fit for me in terms of physical activity.
Overall, there's a sense of optimism in my life that I haven't felt in a long time. I hope to cherish it while I can.