High Strung Long Days
2025-10-24
Today's been a long day. I have some family visiting over the weekend and once they arrived in the afternoon, we spent some time hanging out, grabbing dinner, walking around, and eating ice cream. They've been up since very early in the day, so they decided to go to bed early at the hotel. Now that they're going to bed, I have some time to write a post for today. There's still some stuff swimming around in here.
It's an odd thing for me because externally, everything seems like it's okay. My environment is clean and welcoming. I get up in the morning and I make sure to do my routine to get the day started. My writing output has been productive. But despite all of these seemingly good things going on in my life, I still feel like my internal world is a constantly besieged place of turmoil. Every day is a constant battle despite my best efforts. It doesn't feel good to say that, especially considering all of the things I have to be grateful for. No matter what I do, I can't seem to let loose. I'm too high strung.
There's not really much I can do about it, I don't think. In a twisted way, I think it's okay that I'm a bit high strung. It seems to be a sort of protective layer, one that helps me deal with things. But I don't know, I feel so stressed out all the time despite the fact that I don't really have a lot going on. My stress is deeply ingrained in me, existential and tumultuous. I hate going out most of the time because of how much even little things stress me out. It's only gotten worse with age.
I'm tired from such a long day, so I'm going to cut things short today.
Maybe if I loosen up, I'll have a bit more fun.