Deep Pockets and Shallow Hearts
2025-10-14
I come before you again, asking not for alms or recognition, but presence and grace. It's been a good time so far, but today I feel rather tired and somewhat, uh, loopy I would say. Something that's been pissing me off: I type on my laptop and while I'm typing, part of my hand will accidentally make contact with the track pad and stop me in the middle of writing something down because it accidentally makes the cursor click on something. It's insane. I have a separate keyboard I probably should use and I do like typing on it, but my desk is rather small, so it would be a bit difficult to fit. I might have just enough room for it, but I also hate having too many peripherals. I like the uniformity of the laptop because everything one would need for basic computing is all in one place.
My energy is dipped and all I want to do is sleep, but my body wouldn't allow that during the day so now I am consigned to just drinking a bunch of caffeine and thugging that shit out, my body be damned. At this point I've come to be absolutely resigned to it. I am sick of letting fatigue get in the way and I am going to do what I have to do regardless of where I'm at. People push through much harder obstacles every day, so I have to stop being such a wimp and push through my problems.
I think of how people in the past contended with their problems and find a sense of solidarity.
People were enthralled with the 'Protestant work ethic' of the Great Reformation. There was a certain level of pride in pushing one's self to their breaking point to get that work in so they could please God and make themselves humble before Him and feel worthy to see His mercy. In today's culture, we've lost that sense of humility. We've replaced it with menial self-worship and entitlement. People here in America still work hard. Work culture here is quite maximal, but the trade-off has been to sustain that hard work with decadent rewards because we feel entitled to them. I personally prefer the older Protestant notion that even if one works hard, they still aren't entitled to shit.
We like to forget that there are so many gifts that God gives us every day. The world makes it so easy to shape these gifts as entitlements, as though we deserve them regardless of what we do. People tell themselves that they have a 'right' to do or think a certain way and that these 'rights' are universal. We have forgotten that everything in life—even down to its smallest moments—is a privilege and a gift. We don't have to wake up in the morning, we get to.
The greatest lie told by civilization is the one of scarcity. We have been told that there's never enough to go around and so that's why we have to ration our lives and put price tags on every conceivable thing. It's been told ad nauseam that the world runs on scarcity, that there's not enough land or water or food or even time. But the truth is that there's more of it than we could ever dream of. We have become blinded by our selfishness and greed.
One day, we'll realize just how deep our pockets run. Until then, we'll just have to contend with our shallow hearts.