Win/Lose
2026-06-07
Right now, I'm at the airport waiting on my flight back home to take off. This weekend was wonderful, and the whole wedding was beautiful—intimate, efficient, low-key. My buddy was fielding some ideas for his vows, and we talked him through his brainstorming process; but when he started reciting the vows, it made me quite teary-eyed. A good bit of emotion like that goes a long way, and even though I'm a bit tired after all the festivities and have to do like eight more hours of traveling today, I feel full and happy. Times like these where I am surrounded by good people and feeling the novelty and excitement of new places and experiences—they make me have some trouble writing as quickly as I usually do. A big part of why I write is so that I can help myself think through things and process emotions. It's kind of a sad thing to say that I write faster when there's something negative to process through, but when I'm generally feeling well, I'm still able to find a way to get something out, albeit more slowly. More than anything, I have no desire other than to put it all out on the page, no matter what it is.
I wish airports still had smoking sections, man. Airport bars are fine, and for this occasion I was actually able to find a decent seat here, believe it or not. I'm sitting at one of those lower tables right next to the bar, and that's great because I hate barstools. The outlet is right here, too. It's nice to have these cozy little things happen sometimes, even if I don't feel deserving of them; but still, I try to be grateful despite that and enjoy these small gifts anyway. Mostly, I just hope that I can give more than I can receive. If I look at my life as a composite sum, I still have a huge opportunity to get myself in the net positive. Even though there's no real way to calculate that myself, I find that to be part of what helps me stay on my toes. If I knew where I stood in the divine judgments of the universe, it would probably have a negative impact on my so-called "performance." Not knowing where I stand until that Final Day helps me make the greatest effort I can each day, and helps me stay grounded in the principles I try to cultivate for myself.
Even though quantifying karma isn't the point of it, I think our feelings and thoughts act as a solid gauge for things. Well, at least for me, anyway. It's a tough act to stuff skeletons in the closet, so even when I have a conversation or face negative consequences for my actions, I want to do my best to take that in stride. When I look at everyone around me in public or in those more intimate social contexts, I try my best to make someone feel like they matter. I suffer from my own delusions about all of that, but I know that everyone has their flaws. I don't want to be so judgmental or put myself on any kind of pedestal. A small, humble disposition helps me stay safe in the cruel games the world makes us play. We don't have to be corrupt to win, but instead maintain vigilance for that bigger picture; most things don't matter, and the few things that do matter are never a win/lose binary.
I'm glad I spent some time this weekend to not be so caught up in this practice. The time away really does help me find new things to say. Unfortunately, I didn't have a major thematic thread I was chewing on to weave through this piece, so I'll go ahead and stop early today.
Rest up, skids. There's plenty of work coming ahead.
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