2026-06-15
You ever just wake up sad and you don't know why?
I don't think I'm sad right now, but there might be some post-dream processing going on; even though I don't remember what I dreamt about last night. It's a sense of longing I feel, but I'm not sure exactly for what. Still, the longing itself is a weirdly comforting feeling. I think it's because it helps me feel motivated to do stuff—write, make art, tell someone I love them, that kind of thing. It's motivating, that unknown thing. Maybe if I keep writing, it'll help me get to that next phase in life, whatever it is. Sometimes it feels like talking in circles, but maybe that's okay. It's funny because right now, in this very moment, I don't have a greater thesis for you today—and there's that obligation I feel to do so, even though most entries circle around that greater theme of the lack in resolution. There's my desire to put something out, and honestly, I don't care if it's not a whole lot today.
I'm still going to write it anyway.
If you keep up with my link logs, you'll know that I'm currently working on a reply piece to the Palantir Manifesto. I want to take it point-by-point, and weave it into an overall piece. But currently, I'm at around point three, and I already lost a bunch of steam. That's such a shitty thing about writing—that so much of it feels like pulling teeth. Cogito doesn't have that problem by design, but if I want to actually elevate my work to that next level, I have to whip out the pliers. I've been struggling with getting more words out for Somnia too; I'll whip out a few hundred words and feel like I just ran a marathon, yet these entries just come out in 30-45 minutes flat like nothing. Then I get into this head space where I consider myself to be some kind of fraud, like all I can do as a writer is be this prolific diarist and nothing else.
It makes it even funnier that I generate literally zero dollars doing this despite all the time I spend working on it and thinking about it; but I'm just afraid of taking this work that brings me so much personal joy and turning it into—a business. That sounds disgusting, you know? Sure, it's a lot of work getting this out, but it doesn't have much monetary value. Oh well, it's fun.
I'm going to get to work, on uh, something.
Bitcoin address: bc1qtgqvj6qjxnaxkns20x5rcwnxvv3jqzhduvvxfc