2026-05-29
My friend Mateusz sent me this video of a Zen priest comparing David Foster Wallace to Zen Buddhism. He doesn't really get too deep into analysis with DFW, and mostly uses Infinite Jest as a visual exemplification of the dangers of over-thinking. While that's a fair critique, it's a bit of an oversimplification, and it's a critique that gets made every time someone commentates on Infinite Jest or DFW in general. However, his commentary on Zen teaching was salient; generally, it's better to rely on intuition rather than cognition to attain peace, enlightenment, what have you. There was a part I specifically liked: a young monk asks the monastery's abbot about how to attain Zen, and the abbot responds with "Have you had your breakfast today?" I liked that part because what I've found is that intuition can be found in a daily practice of basic regimens; simple self-care and regular everyday routines go a much longer way than any kind of greater ambition. I'm reminded of a structure like the Grand Canyon: a grand and massive feat of nature was achieved with a small, consistent stream of water every day over an extensive period.
That to me is the true path to mastery.
With this practice, I can say decisively that it has made me a better writer and a better person. Even though it seems like an intensive act of cognition, I find it to be more of a creative outlet than anything else. There's some cognition behind the revision process, and I typically like to make sure that these words are up to my grammatical and stylistic standards; but during the actual writing process, I make a distinct effort to let the stream flow, as it were. I try not to think too much about how entries are structured, and I've found that my instincts have gotten better when it comes to keeping stylistic throughlines for each piece. I don't want to sit and reach for a thought for too long, otherwise the voice loses its power. But toeing that line between thought and impulse is an important act for me, and I try to maintain that mentality throughout other non-writing activities.
I can have a tough time with staying focused on tasks; there's a good bit of executive dysfunction sometimes, and a lot of that comes from a sense of overwhelm I feel, particularly when there are deadlines or other added stress. But I also have comfort now in accepting the consequences of my choices, and I want to give myself the freedom to make mistakes or do something the incorrect way—or at least not have such high standards. Doing something correctly is a tough thing, because ever since I was young, I've felt if I can't get it right the first time, there's no use in trying further. I'd tell myself "someone better than me can figure it out," and move on to something where I actually have useful talents. However, there have been certain passions I've had that came from putting in the work to accomplish them. When I was first learning how to play the saxophone, I was by no means talented. I wasn't the best player, and was quite mediocre in many ways. However, I wanted to become the best, and made many efforts to challenge myself. Those challenges reaped many rewards, and even though I don't play much these days, it gave me a blueprint for perseverance.
It all comes down to sticking with the basics. With the saxophone, it was always scales and long tones; every day, before anything else, I made sure to play all my scales and make sure every note was in tune before getting to any other practice. In a sense, Cogito fills that same role, but in a different way. I know that I have words to put on the page. They might not be my best or most useful words, but going through that act of production and revision almost every day is an important part of my life. I wouldn't have much else without it, and it's a good bit of fun seeing what comes out onto the page. Even if it's just basic meandering or intense wrestling, all of it speaks to a deeper volume of not just a body of work, but a life fully thought through. There's not going to be much of a legacy here, I don't think, but I like coming here every day just to see what happens.
When it comes to legacy, I worry not about what will last before everyone I've ever known is dead; instead, I try to hope for providing comfort to those who know me. Even if it's in a more detached way as an internet friend or someone I grew up with, all of those relationships hold deep value to me. They help me feel seen, but more than anything, they help me see that we all have the same struggles in one way or another. Outside of my own worries or difficult circumstances, I know that suffering is a language we all commonly speak, and through that, we can find some kind of bond. I try not to see the world through this myopic lens of what a person is up to right now, but rather through a sense of what they've been through; that to me is the best place to find common ground. We all have our own different practices and routines, and we're all aiming for something. Maybe if we can, we'll find our way there together.
How was your breakfast this morning?
Bitcoin address: bc1qtgqvj6qjxnaxkns20x5rcwnxvv3jqzhduvvxfc