Unwritten
2026-04-16
Don't know what to do? Do nothing until you figure it out.
Man, I sure love sitting around, doing nothing. It's awesome, perhaps the best use of my time. I think people give things like flow states too much attention. Dopaminergic surges? Catatonic lock-in? How about just letting the wind blow past your ears as you sit outside, have some music playing, and just letting yourself absorb what's around you instead. Doing stuff can be fun. Going out and exploring can be a fun time, but as I've gotten older, there's a certain freedom I feel in moments where there really is nothing to do and that everything is fine for a while. It's tough to make that happen a lot of the time, it's supposed to be a fleeting thing.
Those moments of peace—they're just that. Moments.
I hate how my body is temporally bound to just the present moment, but how my mind loves to frequent spaces outside of it. Being so misaligned is a real son-of-a-bitch, you know? There was this German philosopher someone recommended to me, and I am trying to remember his name but I can't recall it. Someone made a site about him and that primer was an interesting one, and I'm pissed I didn't bookmark it. Anyway, it interested me because the guy basically tried making the point that all thought is some kind of spiritual possession likened to contagious viruses and that humans are not meant to think the way we do. I would like that to be correct so badly. I hate thinking. Down with sentience!
SPOILER ALERT FOR DISCO ELYSIUM SKIP TO NEXT PARAGRAPH YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED I'm reminded of when Harry is speaking with the phasmid and how it tells him that his sentience is like burning in the highest of hells because having all of creation behind your eyeballs sucks. Yeah, it does suck.
I think this is the part where people say something like "well, at least there's all the good stuff in life" and honestly I want those people to be punished, just a little bit. Silver linings are stupid, but there's only so much thuggin' it out a gangsta can do, you know? What happens when a gangsta can't keep thuggin' it out? I suppose that's why crying is important. I remember reading something a long time ago about how crying was an evolutionary trait that came from humans trying to signal to other humans that they needed help. First of all, I hate science. Second, my theory is that crying exists because it is the most effective outlet for, uh, neurocognitive plumbing. Pretty much anyone who has cried really hard can tell you that they feel better after letting that shit out. Of course, the best time to cry is in solitude. That's the best time and place to let out all those wah-wahs and boo-hoos.
Real gangstas cry, sucka!
I was thinking about monism and dualism again, you know, how one usually does. I'm sure someone's already fucking said this, but I'll say it anyway. The observable universe in and of itself is monist, but God stands outside of the universe, making all-of-everything dualist. Will I defend that position? No! I am attacking you with it by putting it in your head, you fool!
It's strange, I haven't had this much trouble pushing through a Cogito entry in a while. Usually, I'm thinking about a bunch of shit and I have a bunch of stuff that I need to let out, but today feels less, uh, visceral. That's just the way the news goes, so I'm not too surprised about it. But I feel kind of bad about it, like I'm really trying to push myself to let my consciousness stream out, but there's something in me that wants today to feel complete, even though it hasn't been that long since I started writing this entry.
Perhaps some days, certain things are left better unwritten.
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