No Enemies
2026-04-08
I, like many Christians, have been having a tough time loving my enemies.
I mean this not just in relation to my car crash earlier this week, but in most facets of life. The real essence of the law is to try and not get angry in an unrighteous way with others; there shouldn't be any feelings of malice or contempt in your heart and mind. But of course, this is much easier said than done. I'm fortunate for God's grace on this matter and many others, but working toward that perfection is a tough process, and it's one that can really make life feel much harder once you keep it as an object of focus. Showing love to people who love you back is easy and at many times joyful, but showing that same love to those who hate you or do you harm—that's a true feat of the human condition, and while difficult, yields much more joy.
I'm reminded of that popular manga, Vinland Saga. I haven't seen it the whole way through, but basically it's about Vikings. So with that, there's lots of violence and killing. There was that one part that became a meme—the one where the protagonist's dad or whatever is telling him that he has no enemies and no one he needs to hurt. I'll be honest, the edits from that go so hard. But anyways, that kind of thinking is fundamentally right. I've been trying to go through my life thinking of the people who have hurt me, and I've been trying to make peace with the fact that they aren't my enemies. People who hurt me, even if they do so intentionally, do so out of ignorance. They truly don't know what they're doing. As much as I want to place blame on them and find some kind of retribution, the truth is that I'll never be the one who actually swings that gavel.
But even beyond placing hope for retribution in someone else's hands, I don't want to hope for that retribution to come. God loves, but His wrath is also strong. Not only do I want His mercy for myself, but for everyone I've ever known—even those who hurt me. I've taken a small glimpse into Hell. The gnashing of teeth doesn't even begin to describe its darkness. Even for the worst people to have ever existed, Hell isn't something I would wish on them. I want to do everything I can to make sure that no human soul ever experiences the depths of Hell, because when you realize that God has truly left you, there's nothing else that could possibly be worse.
Like I've said before, when I pray, I do so for all of humanity. That power of prayer isn't something that I take lightly, and regardless of whether or not someone else shares the same ontology as I do, I am going to do my part and pray for them because it isn't some kind of intellectual exercise. There is so much going against humanity; the forces that want us to perish are so strong, but I can feel isolated at times because most people can't see what I'm seeing. I've learned that I have to focus on my part: reaching out to God whenever I can so that His mercy extends to every corner of the earth I can see. Even if my perspective is limited, I know it counts for something.
Thinking of Christ's perfection, I find it's important to distinguish that perfection from simply having "good morals." A lot of people, particularly heterodox Christians themselves, parade the faith as some kind of pillar of morality. They act in faith not to please God, but to give off the impression that they themselves are "good people." I think it's important to distinguish what the faith is and what it isn't. The faith is not an ethical framework. The faith is not there to make you a good person. The faith is the understanding that Christ is Lord, and that we follow His statutes not for our own personal benefit, but because that is what He commands us to do. I love my fellow man not because I think it's a good thing to do, but because God sets the example.
When it's all said and done, any pondering or questioning about existential affairs is a pointless endeavor. All it does is show that those who do so simply do not trust God. Over the course of my life, I've prided myself on being a skeptical person. Questioning things made me cool; rebellion against those things made me even cooler. I was that kid who went around telling his whole class that Santa Claus wasn't real. If there was a way to question authority and stick it to them in a way that I felt just, I did so. As I've gotten older, I've come to the conclusion that skepticism really isn't that cool. Asking too many questions really isn't that cool. Some might place me as some kind of conformist, and honestly, I'll take that label. If someone wants to presuppose that I'm advocating for blindly accepting something as true, then they can go ahead and do that. I know that no matter how much I open my eyes, I'll still be blind anyway. At this point, I'd rather blindly accept that than remain a blind skeptic.
I've been making more progress in memorizing important prayers. I finally have the Nicene Creed memorized, and I'm hoping that as I incorporate it into my daily prayers, I'll be able to get through it without stumbling. It's been a real pleasure to memorize these important things. I'm thinking my next prayer to memorize will be Psalm 50 (LXX), but I need to see if I'm overlooking anything else more fundamental first. I have the Jesus Prayer, Hail Mary, prayer to Saint Michael, the Lord's Prayer, and the Nicene Creed all memorized. My intention is to keep these prayers memorized for as long as I can because I'll never know where I'll be, and I might not always have access to certain texts. If it's in my mind, no one can take it away from me.
Today's entry has felt dense and like I jumped through a lot of points rather quickly. That's just how I am, always have been. I've noticed some differences in these recent entries compared to ones from when I first started this project. When I first started, I wrote like a bull in a china shop. There was a certain looseness in the style, and while it was clear that my voice was there, it wasn't as refined. Given how much I've written over the last several months, I've found that my prose has matured quite a bit. I've gotten better at nipping bad habits and building good ones, and overall I notice the quality of my writing has improved. Not that I look back on my old writing and cringe, but I'm glad I can see the progress so tangibly.
My hope is to see the same fruits with my faith and prayer.
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