My Best
2026-03-03
When I went to the gym yesterday, I finally decided to do some strength training. I was a bit nervous to start since I didn't know how I'd fare. Things ended up going well enough. I used a few machines: leg press, chest press, lat pulldown, and leg curls. I was able to manage about as much weight as I thought I could—that is to say, not very much. The strength training lasted about 20–30 minutes, and it was difficult enough, but not too bad. I'm feeling sore today, but it's manageable. I plan on doing strength training twice a week along with my walks on the treadmill. I know that progress will be gradual, but I feel confident that I'll get there since I already have a decent habit and routine going to the gym.
I feel a bit embarrassed at how much I let myself go. I knew I was out of shape, but years of sedentary life compounded with aging have made me physically quite below par. However, I know that it's not too late to get back into shape and that I have the potential to get into better shape than I was in my early 20s if I keep at it. The way I see it, physical fitness isn't something you do for just a season, but should be a lifelong process with its own hills and valleys. I'm confident that as I keep getting into better shape, that'll lead to more opportunities I previously couldn't pursue.
When I first started going back to the gym in May of last year, my fitness goals revolved around doing triathlons. I've run a few half marathons and cycled a bunch for work, so I felt like that would've been a fun thing to try out. As I've continued working out, my goals have changed. I thought about how cool it would be to go hiking and see cool things. It would be an interesting opportunity for travel as well. Before, I never had much of a desire for traveling because, in my mind, I could do all of that stuff at home and not have to worry about airplanes and the general tedium of traveling. Nowadays my perspective has changed; there are a lot of cool and interesting hiking trails all over the country, and that would be a fun thing to see.
I also think it would be cool to do backpacking trips. I could hike an extended trail with a backpack, sleep along the trail in a hammock, listen to tons of music, and write while I'm not walking. It would be a great solo adventure and a fun way to just decompress and get away from the regular stressors of everyday life. As it stands now, I'm nowhere near in the shape I need to be in so that I can make that happen, but so far I've been making good progress toward it. To me, it seems like an ideal mix of fun and functional.
Last night, while hanging out at my usual cafe spot and writing, I felt strange as I was driving home. I felt more up, like the mania was creeping back in. My thoughts started becoming strange and deluded, and I felt that usual manic creep; things felt more on edge. It scared me that I was having those thoughts, and I knew that if I didn't take action, it could have begun another spiral. Thankfully, I have a stock of antipsychotic medication that I take as needed for when this happens, so when I got home, I took some of it and went right to sleep. Unfortunately, the major side effect of it is that it makes me tired the next day. As I'm writing today's entry, things feel a bit groggy. I'll take that over being manic any day.
It seems that my life is a constant act of calibration. If things get too out of whack, everything gets so much worse. As I've gotten older, I've learned the importance of taking it easy and listening to cues from my body. When I was younger, it was easier for me to ignore that because I was more resilient due to the fact that I was still developing. But nowadays I don't have that buff, and while the descent into old age is a slow one, I know that I can be proactive and make that a more gentle process as long as I do everything I can to take care of myself.
I'll do the best I can.
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