A New Reality
2026-03-05
Lately, I've been feeling a certain staleness in writing these entries. This is mostly because my emotions have been stable, and while it's a welcome season in my life, I can't help but feel like I've lacked a certain visceral emotional nature that has marked previous entries. I don't think that's a negative thing by any means. Of course, stable mood and emotions are quite literally a major outcome I hoped to glean from this practice. If anything, I see this as a challenge to push the envelope further and dig deeper into self-discovery through these writings. Now that I'm at a point in my life where I'm not as concerned with my situation, I can start to truly discover parts of myself that otherwise couldn't be expressed.
The main aspect of my writing process that I work to maintain is the uninterrupted flow of my voice as I write my thoughts down. I've spoken on this before; a certain thing flows through me when I write, and I am just a vessel for it. To me, this voice is what really speaks through me when I write, and the best way to cultivate it is through sprints and foregoing hesitation and revising mid-sentence. The first thought is the best thought, and any prior planning or meditation only works to dilute that fundamental voice. But then I have to really confront myself with this question:
What's really on my mind?
I think that when I write, my anxiety typically shows up most frequently on the page. Anxiety stems from fears of things that are unseen, and so I find that much of my work here involves trying to give that thing I'm afraid of some kind of form so that I can give it a name and confront it in real time. However, there are plenty of times when it's something that can't be named because, ultimately, it's not something that's really there. There's a constant song and dance I perform when describing my reality; my ability to write things down gives me the power to invoke a reality that bends to the will of my prose. What I do here every day is an exercise in manifestation.
Every day is a new reality to create.
So then the question becomes this: what reality am I looking to cultivate here? As my catalog has grown over the course of these several months, I've done what I can to create an extensive map of my inner world. In that world, everything has a throughline and cohesive logic to it. The causal relationships flourish over the course of several unconnected entries. I might mention one thing several months in the past and then finally build on that thread after it's been broiling in the back of my mind for a while. There's a certain power to that, one that I don't think I've seen many others in position attempt to cultivate.
The closest models I've seen to what I do here are Gwern or h0p3, except the difference is that those guys rely more on a nonlinear, encyclopedic way of writing. My writing focuses more on building a sense of who I am over the course of an extended period of time through linear standalone entries. I don't crosslink myself very often, mostly because I expect my readers to develop those threads on their own. I trust that y'all are smart and willing enough to do that.
I often find that I keep asking myself: what's the whole point of this practice? Of course, I've answered this question before. Whether it be because this helps someone feel less alone, helps me become a better person, or because this concept of daily documentation of someone's inner world is genuinely interesting, there is an inherent value to this kind of practice not just in the moment, but outside of it as well. There's no telling where this text will go in several decades, but what I do know is that it will be a testament to this very day, this very moment. Someone will read this and gain an understanding of what it was like to be alive in this time, under these circumstances, and know that in their time and circumstances, they just might be able to do the same.
So if you're reading this the day it's published or some time in the near or distant future, just know that I lived this day and appreciated it for all of its moments, flawed and all.
I hope you can do the same with your day.
Bitcoin address: bc1qtgqvj6qjxnaxkns20x5rcwnxvv3jqzhduvvxfc