2026-02-10
There have been a number of things swimming around my mind today, so I hope to get them across the best way I can.
Last night, I had a relaxing time at the pool in my gym. I found a spot where I could comfortably lounge in the pool, and I felt a nice sense of calmness for a while. It was, as Andrew Huberman would call it, a classic session of non-sleep deep rest. It can be difficult to achieve that state, so experiencing it last night was an important reprieve for me. After the gym, I went to a café and got some dinner. Lately, I've been going to this café after the gym because it's open 24 hours, has good Wi-Fi, and a bottomless coffee bar. I spent a few hours there hanging out, browsing on my computer, and trying to maintain some kind of serenity.
I got home late at night but felt empowered to get back on my prayer rule. I stood in front of my icon for a long time praying to God for rest and safety, and that His will be done so that I can relinquish myself to His good and perfect plans. I did my nighttime hygiene routine and lay in bed to fall asleep. I am a strong dreamer; as I've aged and sobered up, my dreams are more frequent and more vivid than they've ever been. Most nights, I can recall my dreams the next day, and can recall dozens of dreams from throughout my past. I also tend to lucid dream frequently, with varying degrees of success.
Last night, I had a dream that I was in space. I was flying around the black void when, suddenly, I saw a purple orb in front of me. My stomach sank. I've had this feeling many times before: it was a spirit that wanted to speak with me. I've had many of these encounters, with most of these spirits being demons. Usually, when these demons confront me, they say things that don't make much logical sense. They speak in English, but their sentences have no coherent grammar. However, their words always fill me with a deep sense of fear that continues well after I wake up.
With this purple orb spirit, however, its words were clear and instead of fear, I felt what I can only describe as a deep reverence. I knew it carried immense power, but it had no intention of harming me. The spirit said something groundbreaking:
"The angels are real. Listen to them."
I want to be clear: I am not telling this story as a matter of prelest. I do not want to say that this purple orb was an Angel of the Lord. Truthfully, I have no idea what it was at all. I don't want to make any kind of conclusions that don't need to be made. However, I think it speaks to a deeper sense of self-knowledge. To me, dreams are an inward expression of outward stimuli. As I've continued to engage further in my faith through prayer, I've been building a stronger relationship with Christ.
I do think there are spirits that guide us, even if we cannot perceive them in their true form. Even if I can't perceive them in the same way I would a conversation with a friend, I know they communicate with me in ways I might not fully understand. I think when I listen to the angels, that means that I am trusting my gut and personal sense of judgment. As I continue my prayers, I work closer towards a complete alignment with Christ. Because of that, it's easier to trust myself when making decisions.
When things don't seem like they're working out in the moment, I can be confident in the bigger picture—even when I can't see it.
This bigger picture is something that eludes all of us; we are all limited in our perception. Every day, I try to maintain my inner world through a deep and meticulous curating of information. This is because I know that wars are no longer only fought with guns and bombs. The most impactful wars of our time are fought with information. Deception is rampant. We are constantly bombarded with confusion and disorientation, primed to accept the first thing that sort of makes sense. One can argue that it's a spiritual war, but it's important to understand that we participate in this war, knowingly or otherwise.
It isn't something that we defend ourselves against either. Wars are always won on the offensive. For me, the offensive looks like writing here, maintaining good relationships, and trying not to read too deeply into things. More than anything, though, it looks like surrender. I understand that I am not in a position to win this war on my own, but I know that as long as I consistently defer to Christ through prayer and repentance, I have a fighting chance.
He came here to bring us a sword, and I'm taking it.
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