Personal Prayers
2026-02-05
I have been feeling particularly blessed lately; this directly coincides with a recent change in my prayer life. Since I reconverted in late 2023, I have tried to establish a consistent prayer life. Through discovering Eastern Orthodox Christianity, I found a treasure trove of resources to guide me in this endeavor. Namely, I have a prayer book and a prayer corner with an icon and a small stack of literature. From the prayer book, I have memorized the Jesus Prayer, the Lord's Prayer, the Hail Mary, and the Prayer to St. Michael. I haven't received a prayer rule from a spiritual father yet, so I decided to make my own for now.
Every morning and evening, I recite my memorized prayers. Over the last month or so, this has proven to be a wonderful centering exercise. My prayer book includes morning and evening prayers, but I struggled to do them because certain parts are only for those who have been fully received into the Church. Still, I haven't let that deter me from prayer. Particularly after reading The Way of a Pilgrim, I understood that a hesychastic Jesus Prayer practice would be an excellent start.
It has been a blessing to build this spiritual foundation. Prior to my discovery of Orthodoxy, I prayed only “from the heart.” However, instead of saying them out loud in private, I wrote them down in a small pocket notebook. I was experimenting with a type of prayer that I thought would be most beneficial for me, and I think written prayers are a decent way to pray. Truthfully, though, I was simply bashful about praying out loud. I thought it would make me look and feel stupid, even if I did it in private.
Recently, I started praying from the heart out loud after reciting my memorized prayers. I spend a few extra minutes at my prayer corner, looking up at my ceiling or at my icons, and trying to confess my heart to Christ. I struggled to find my confidence at first, but I quickly found my footing and marveled that I had decided against doing it for so long.
I found that God is a great listener.
Beyond that, I found comfort in knowing that I can let my heart out to Him in the privacy of my room, and He listens to every word. The words "seek and you shall find" ring truer than ever. I have become much more attuned to my sin and have been finding more repentance each day. It's easy for me to become prideful and think that I have myself figured out. Complacency is horrible; I want to do what I can to continue my journey of repentance so that I may be worthy of salvation.
From a book I've been reading, I learned that if an Orthodox Christian receives Holy Communion on the day of their death, they ascend immediately to the throne of God. If only I could receive that kind of grace. Still, I know that it's not healthy to place expectations on most things, especially my salvation. I guess I'm just awestruck at how close God is to us in a culture that constantly wants to reject Him. At this point, I am more than convinced that wholehearted faith is the only way to live life. I want nothing more than to let my faith dictate my every move.
Only through the power and grace of God.
In many ways, the world—and life itself—can feel like a prison. Being trapped in my head makes for feelings of intense loneliness at times. However, I know that even in a state of personal imprisonment, God leans in closer to our hearts. I recently learned of a Russian prisoner's motto that encapsulates my approach to the world perfectly:
Don't believe. Don't fear. Don't beg.
The world is a hard place. There is a lot of suffering here, but we have so much capacity to receive God's grace. I only hope that I can open my heart to it.
Don't believe. Don't fear. Don't beg.
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