Decades
2026-02-22
Late Friday evening, I caught the flu. I've been sick as a dog ever since.
Yesterday, I slept for the entire day. While asleep, I kept cycling through different nightmares and thought patterns. Most of the time, I couldn't even tell I was asleep. My body was aching all over from the flu, and since the sleep apnea makes it worse, it was difficult to get substantial rest. Still, I feel like I've gotten through the worst of it. Now that I'm back here writing, I know that things will be alright. After several scalding-hot showers and doses of allergy medication, I am feeling better than I was yesterday.
I remember on Friday evening, I went to dinner with some friends. A few hours prior, I decided to go to a coffee shop and hang out for a while. While there, I felt myself getting some sniffles. At the time, I thought it was just because of the weather. It's been a bit colder than usual, so I figured I was just having some seasonal allergies. Throughout dinner, though, I started feeling worse. On the drive home, my head was pounding. When I finally got home and into my bedroom, the sickness hit me like a train. I found that funny; it was as if my brain and body knew I had to stay strong for a certain amount of time, but then once I knew I was safe, the "punishment" could begin.
This is the third week in a row I've missed Divine Liturgy, which is upsetting. Still, I know that I just have to remain patient. I'll get it figured out soon. I hope that I'll remain vigilant in my prayers throughout, because ultimately, I know that's what matters most. Getting closer to God is an everyday process—just as mundane as it is profound. I know that I have what it takes to keep pushing through. The Lord has gotten me through every day leading up to now, and that's not going away any time soon. There's not a whole lot I can get done in a day, but there's a whole lot I can get done in a decade.
Don't think in days. Think in decades.
When sitting here, thinking of things to write, it's tough to push through the aches and pains of my body. To me, there are blockages in all areas, not just physical ones. Despite that, I know that it's important for me to push through and keep seeking those next few hundred words, because I've gotten far enough in this practice to know that there's always something I have to say. Whether or not I say it is a personal choice. So for today, I want to make the choice to keep pushing through despite my body telling me not to. A few hundred words could be enough, but I want a few hundred more.
I know that I can look back and show myself demonstrable evidence that I can push through just about anything. Whenever I feel like I can't get the words out, I just have to look back at this catalog and remind myself that I always can. To me, that's the most important thing. I know that any sense of blockage I feel is a matter of the heart, and the only way to get past it is to write through it. Everything else is a distraction. For me, I know that as long as I remain honest with myself first and foremost, everything else will fall into place.
Despite feeling so uninspired, I know that I have my precedents pulling me through. Not every entry here is created equal, but created nonetheless. The value of that means more to me than to anyone else, especially at this stage as it's still being written. The work will be here long after I'm gone, but for right now, the main person it serves is me. This act of coming here, letting out words, and gleaning something from them is what keeps me going, day in and day out.
I don't know what the future holds, but as long as I'm still of able body and mind, I'll still write about it.
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