The Year of Addition
2026-01-01
Happy New Year, everyone!
My New Year's Eve turned out well. It was a calm one. On Wednesdays, I typically go to trivia at a bar with my friends and this week, everyone who usually shows up had other plans. It ended up just being me, my friend, and the host. The bar also had hardly any people in it. There were just cooler things going on, I guess. But we still had a good time. The bar also hosts amateur tournament poker on Wednesday nights and since we decided to end trivia early, we thought it would be fun to play some poker.
Honestly, I wasn't a big fan of it because despite it being amateur poker, the people there were taking it a bit too seriously. There was one guy there who looked like the most stereotypical millennial/Gen X person I've ever seen. He was wearing a backwards flat cap, glasses with circular lenses, had a handlebar mustache, and was covered head to toe in tattoos. Of course, he projected the stereotype completely. He played with us at our table for a while, kept walking away from the table when it was his turn, and then had the audacity to complain that we were playing too slow. He said that "we're only going through two hands an hour here." I laughed to ease tension, but then he said "it's not funny" and moved to another table. I decided to go all-in a few hands later so I could leave. Thankfully there wasn't a buy-in.
After that, I decided to head home early and have some hot chocolate with my mom to celebrate the new year. We finished our hot chocolate and I looked at the clock. It was 11:45 and I looked over to my mom and said "you know, I really wanted to stay up until 12, but fuck that shit I'm going to bed" and proceeded to go to bed. Suffice to say, it was a calm new year.
Now I'm awake on New Year's Day, and for me it's just another day. I won't be able to go to the gym today since it's closed, but that's alright with me. I can still go on a walk outside, which I intend on doing since the weather is nice. I'm feeling a bit of nerve pain because last night I decided to drink alcohol and as a type II diabetic, that is not a wise thing to do. I don't drink very frequently at all, maybe once a month on average. Still, my body feels the consequences of it regardless. I'm not hungover, but my neuropathy is acting up more than usual. It's alright, I can take it easy.
CW: SEX STUFF
My hope moving forward this year, along with the hopes I discussed yesterday, is to cut back on vices. I developed many of them and I'm trying to take them out of my life. Over the last several months, I've been successful on a few fronts, but I know that I have to cut each vice out one at a time. I'm almost six months nicotine-free now. My next vice that I'm trying to quit is masturbation and pornography. I've tried engaging in NoFap and things like that before with little success. The most I've gone without PMO (pornography, masturbation, orgasm) is about three weeks, I think.
My sexuality is of course a very personal thing, but I don't have shame in discussing it. I've been masturbating since I was five years old, long before I even learned what it was. For me, it's a key behavior that I knew I could lean on to reduce anxiety. It was free and abundant, much more so than other vices I've had. For a long time, I rationalized it in many ways. I used to convince myself that it was morally acceptable, even healthy. However, I know that it takes away from my life more than it gives. It has become a crutch. It has also made it difficult to maintain romantic relationships. It reduces my confidence.
The main course of action I've taken to eliminate this vice is that I have made a hard rule for myself: no phone in bed. I, like many men, mainly watch pornography on my phone. For me, laying in bed is a key signal for the bad habit. I would masturbate to help myself fall asleep. I gave myself a bit of grace, though. I've been letting myself masturbate without pornography in bed, but my idea is that as long as I don't view pornography, I'll be able to wean off of masturbating. It's difficult because I get strong urges, and these have been way worse than the ones when I quit smoking.
Still, I know that quitting this vice will add more to my life than take away.
This year, I am going to add more than subtract.
To 2026, the Year of Addition.