2026-01-29
This morning has been mundane like any other, but the spiritual battles I fight still constantly rage within me like some kind of muted tempest. My emotions are quite volatile, and working through them has been a difficult task. Through much of the day, I face the temptation to lash out in anger. In my mind and in my heart, there is a deep and complicated anger that I try to work through. I've learned the importance of hating the sin and not the sinner, but I still have difficulty discerning the difference between righteous and demonic anger.
I was picking up groceries earlier, and I got short with my mom because of the anger and irritation I was experiencing. My sister was making a lot of noise, as she usually does. All of these small irritations can add up and make me spill over with unrighteous anger. I've encountered mostly demonic anger in my life. It's an infectious disease; once someone lashes out at you with it, you feel tempted to fight back with the same fury. In that way, the demons are playing both sides of a situation. Because of that, it is even more important to remain temperate, hold your tongue, and act without indignation.
I've encountered a few interpretations of Christ's teaching to "turn the other cheek." The most widely recognized interpretation is that belief in Christ should render someone a pacifist—that violence is sinful and should be avoided. Tolstoy most famously popularized that belief, and many Christians today hold that pacifism is a righteous thing. However, Christ told the apostles that He didn't come to earth to bring peace, but a sword. More than that, God gave assurance to Joshua during the fall of Jericho. It's easy to be a pacifist when the world is peaceful, but that worldview immediately falls apart at the sight of violence.
I hope to take Christ's sword.
That isn't to say that I want to welcome violence into my life, but I know that if it were to come into my life, Christ would hand me that sword so that I can work to execute His will to the fullest extent I know how. But, of course, I do not want to beget any violence. I will never openly act out in violence, especially when it's not initiated onto me first. Strength comes from many places, and most strength is nonviolent. I've learned over the years that I can exude strength without the need for violence, and that is the kind of strength I hope to continue to cultivate.
The other interpretation of "turn the other cheek" is that it was a cultural reference to the time of Imperial Rome. Back then, it was custom to discipline an inferior by slapping them with the back of the hand. So when Christ said to "turn the other cheek," that meant you were to turn your other cheek so that your superior would have to strike you with their palm. This was a way to equalize the power dynamic: if someone had to hit you with their palm, that meant they had to confront the fact that they were striking another human being, and not some meager slave.
To me, that feels like the more accurate interpretation. Nonviolent resistance has proven, time and time again, to be the most sustainable act of regime change. From Gandhi to MLK, there is clear and recent historical evidence that turning the other cheek is the true path to the Kingdom of Heaven. It's a difficult thing: it degrades the ego and demons swarm you and tempt you toward their unrighteous and unsustainable anger. However, it is important to remain steadfast when confronted with this temptation.
This is the main battle I am fighting right now. I become enveloped with this demonic anger, but I know that I can rely on Christ to save me from it. What's important is that I don't fall for demonic delusion and that I continue to pray as much as I can. I cannot begin to emphasize the importance of prayer in relinquishing my passions. I know that I am far from escaping their clutches, but I also know that I have what it takes to do so.
There is a story I heard. Three demons came into Satan's court to give status reports. The first demon approached Satan and said, "I sunk a ship and killed many people." Satan struck him and said that he didn't do enough. The second demon approached Satan and said, "I found myself at a wedding and sowed as much discord there as I could." Satan struck him, too, and said that he didn't do enough. The third demon approached Satan and said, "I found myself in a monastery and successfully tempted a monk to fornicate." Satan, overjoyed, gave him a hug and said that he did more than enough for the demonic cause.
I know that as I keep fighting my personal spiritual battle, the demons will only do more to prevent my salvation. However, I know that the more they fight, the stronger I become. So with that, I know that I can have the same confidence as Joshua.
I will be strong and courageous, not terrified or dismayed.
God is with me wherever I go.
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