Shade of Pink
2026-01-25
This winter storm has been interesting enough, although I think they messed up naming it "Fern." That's just silly. Thankfully, here in North Texas, we haven't had any major issues. The power has been on this whole time, which is amazing considering the debacle we faced in 2021. That was a disaster. But this year, things have been alright. I think Oncor learned their lesson. It's been nice to see the world slow down a bit. At least this time, it won't come to a halt and stand still for two or three years. Instead, it's just for the weekend.
I'm a bit sad that I can't attend Divine Liturgy today, but I think God's cool with me staying home this Sunday. I was catching some good momentum with my consistency as well, but salvation doesn't happen over the course of a single weekend. Still, I'll make sure to do my prayers today and hope that everything goes well. If that's all I can do, then that's what I'll do. I will say that the demons have been hard at work in my life, as they always are, but I feel like I've finally gotten the upper hand with them. Things seem to be on an upswing, which is wonderful.
CW: Sexual Content
The most prevalent issue at hand for me recently has been conquering lust. It's been a struggle for a while and regular readers know that I've been talking about it a good bit over the last few weeks. However, I am proud to say that I am on day five of NoFap. So far, quitting pornography and masturbation has been way harder than quitting nicotine. It's been at least ten times harder, if not more. The urges to masturbate and view pornography have been way stronger than the ones I had to smoke. Thankfully, I had this timeline from SRG on /x/ to help:
Honestly, SRG has been a Godsend for me. Last night, I was dealing with serious urges while trying to fall asleep. I ended up getting an erection in bed, but I got a crucial tip from SRG: hold your breath for as long as you can until the urge goes away. That was an instant cure. My erection went away immediately. The urges calmed down. It was awesome. Also, viewing the motivational material there was nice. Seeing other anons talk about it in a positive light was encouraging as well.
I am still feeling strong urges, but I know that I have plenty of tools to help me get through them. More than that, I already have plenty of experience with recovering from addiction. I could do it with nicotine. I could do it with nitrous oxide. I most certainly can do it with pornography.
One day at a time.
Coming here and writing out this public confessional has done so much for me. When I come here and write it out for people to see, it does wonders for my internal state. I don't get tons of messages from this work, but I know I have people around the world reading this blog and cheering me on from the sidelines. To all of you, from the bottom of my heart:
Thank you.
Thank you for being here with me in your RSS reader, the site itself, or wherever else this thing has gone to. I may not make any money doing this, but at this point I don't think that would change the value of this work. If anything, I should be paying you. I should be paying you to take the time out of your day to check in on me for whatever reason. Without you, I wouldn't be here. I feel so overjoyed to have you here. I promise I'll do whatever it takes to keep going.
Whatever happens—whether that be through fiction or nonfiction—I want to be here for it, because we all deserve it. We deserve to have joy during this little sojourn we're on together. Even when I feel depleted of joy, even when I can't experience it, I'll rest through that dark night of the soul just so I can wake up to find the oasis that never left. I don't know where my life will end up, but I'll take Oscar Wilde's position:
When I die, my sins will be scarlet, but my words will be re(a)d.
I look forward to the day when I'll go back to white as snow.
Until then, I'll contend with a nice shade of pink.