Repentance
2026-01-18
Divine Liturgy was great today, thanks for asking.
I feel like today has been a good day, despite the fact that I'm coming here to write in the evening as opposed to the morning. Most days, I have a strong routine. I wake up, take care of hygiene, pray, have breakfast and caffeine, write, break for lunch, go to the gym, have dinner, write, and then go to bed. It's a series of habits I've built, and while I'm not militant about sticking to all of them, they're a good anchor. I know that I do that after this, and so on, until the day is done. There's a comfort in that. My internal world is often unpredictable, so having an external anchor is important for my health.
I had something in my mind that I want to discuss. It's an idea that's been in my mind for a while now:
Repentance.
It's something that's widely misunderstood. Popular culture characterizes it as telling God you're sorry and asking for His forgiveness. Asking for God's forgiveness is a part of repentance, but people don't understand the exact reason why one would do this. It's easy to think of repentance as attempting to curry favor with a tyrant, that since you broke one of his six hundred complicated rules that you have to come to your knees and grovel so that you'll receive mercy.
Thankfully, God isn't a tyrant who will smite you at the smallest offence. The etymology of the word "repentance" is important. It stems from the ancient Greek word "metanoia" which means literally to "change one's mind." The core of repentance is an internal change of heart. It's not about settling a debt with God, but about understanding, with your own mind, the nature of your wrongs. God doesn't want to punish us for our sin, but to help us understand and conquer it. Since the beginning, He has made it His mission to rule over the cosmos with us. To do so, we need to know the nature of sin so that we can avoid it later. Because of this, repentance isn't just about asking for God's forgiveness, but the foundation of personal growth itself.
To live is to iterate.
Most of my life is embedded in comfort. We all have comfort zones and in mine, things usually don't go wrong. But when they do, it's easy for me to blame what's around me rather than my attachment to comfort. Demons thrive in comfort. Within it lies complacency. When I'm comfortable, I'm not as willing to question things. But when I do, I can come to understand the nature of my sin and repent.
At the core of my repentance is self-awareness of my mistakes and shortcomings. Through that, I can seek grace. Unfortunately, I have a bad habit of making myself my own worst enemy. I tell myself that there's no way to redeem myself from my past and that the only recourse is to avoid confronting them—I shut myself away from life. It's no way to be. Grace abounds, but it's only worth anything if I choose to accept it.
I know that despite my adherence to certain routines, life always changes them. New circumstances arise and I have to learn how to live with them. There will be struggles. Trouble is always right around the corner. But for me, I know that no matter what comes, there's always a chance for repentance.
There will always be a way to move forward with Christ.